Preparation Manual

Combined Score of 6

A significant strength of the paper is the use of specific details to support the statements made. The students supports claims made for why the phones were banned, “…there was that girl last year who fell down the steps in the science wing and broke her leg because she was texting her boyfriend instead of looking where she was going.” Furthermore, when defending their compromise of allowing phone use at lunch, the student also gives a meaningful, concrete image, stating that this action could “make the cafeteria quieter since we'd all be busy texting.” By providing concrete examples the student demonstrates an awareness of how smaller details can support broad statements.

One of the significant weaknesses in this response is the failure to pay attention to issues of the specific audience. An effective argument takes note of the intended audience (in this case, the school principal) and chooses details of language and syntax that will appeal to the audience and not offend. In this response, some of the vocabulary is either clichéd or colloquial and thus will not speak to an educated audience such as the school principal. For example, “overkill” in the first line is too colloquial for this audience. In the last paragraph, the writer employs “and stuff” twice in an attempt to cover several contingencies with vague language. Phrases such as “I totally feel your pain,” “I think,” and “drives most of us crazy” might be appropriate in comments to the student writer’s peers, but they are not effective when addressing a principal. Other colloquialisms such as “let’s face it” in the next to last line of the third paragraph as well as vague phrases like “late a lot” in the second line of the second paragraph distract the reader. The concluding comment that maligns lunch room monitors by calling them “cranky” is not a way to make friends and win an argument.

To help this student, as well as other students in the class, pay more attention to audience and understand how word choice and tone contribute to their ability to persuade, students should complete an exercise that requires them to write to different audiences on the same topic. For example, a prompt might read:

“Assume that you need a temporary supplement to your allowance of $10.00 to purchase a ticket to an opening of a new film based on a novel you and many of your friends have read. Consider various people in your life to ask for a loan.”

1. Your mother who you believe will be sympathetic because she has read the book and thought it was fantastic.
2. Your older brother who now has a job, has a track record of supporting you when you need a friend, and loves going to the movies.
3. Your next-door neighbor who often asks you to babysit and who has a track record of paying you well for your service.

Write a three-sentence request for a small loan to each of the three people, explaining why you need the money. Use vocabulary, sentence structure, and details that will make it nearly impossible for each of them to turn down your request.”

This activity will be especially effective if students are asked to share their responses and discuss why the particular requests to each person will or will not likely be persuasive the particular person. Through the short writing activity, followed up by a discussion, students will learn to choose their words and language more carefully and according to their particular audience.

Rationale for a Combined Score of 6

The response to Task 1 states a significant strength, “the use of specific details to support the statements made.” The response then gives several effectively supporting examples from the student response. The response provides a clear assessment, explaining HOW the examples contribute to the persuasiveness and effectiveness of the writing: “By providing concrete examples the student demonstrates an awareness of how smaller details can support broad statements.”

The response to Task 2 clearly identifies “the failure to pay attention to issues of the specific audience” as a significant weakness and explains how this weakness threatens the effectiveness of the response as a whole by making it less persuasive to its audience. The response supports its assessment by identifying and discussing several specific, concrete examples from the text that illustrate the student’s use of “vocabulary [that] is either clichéd or colloquial and thus will not speak to an educated audience such as the school principal.”

The response to Task 3 identifies and describes a specific, appropriate instructional activity that is clearly relevant to the weakness identified in Task 2. The response goes beyond its general claim that “students should complete an exercise that requires them to write to difference audiences on the same topic” to provide a detailed and well-considered sample prompt. The response makes a thorough and convincing case for the relevance and effectiveness of the activity.

Combined Score of 3

The student in this writing piece takes the position that there should not be a school ban on students’ use of cell phones. A strength in the piece is that the student gives a number of examples of why a ban should exist which indicates an awareness of the opposing perspective, the perspective of the school principal.

A significant weakness in this student’s persuasive piece is the writer does not provide strong evidence (reasons) for why students should be allowed to have cell phones in school. The writer states that the classroom would be quieter if the use of phones wasn’t permitted during instruction and that teachers would be happier. However, these reasons are probably not important enough to convince the principal.

To address the specific weakness described in Task 2, an English teacher could introduce the use of a pro-con chart to help the writer generate ideas and begin to organize the piece. On this two-column graphic organizer a writer would list the benefits of his or her position in the pro side and the reasons against the writer’s position in the con side.

Rationale for a Combined Score of 3

The response to Task 1 earns partial credit. Although the response does identify a relevant strength, its explanation and support of its assessment is not presented effectively. The response identifies the student’s inclusion of “a number of examples of why a ban should exist” as evidence of “an awareness of the opposing perspective” and implies that this awareness improves the response’s ability to persuade its audience. However, the response fails to provide specific examples from the student response that effectively illustrate how this awareness of counter positions contributes to the overall effectiveness of the student’s response.

The response to Task 2 earns partial credit. The response identifies a potentially significant weakness (“the writer does not provide strong evidence (reasons) for why students should be allowed to have cell phones in school”). However, to earn full credit, the explanation of why the response’s reasons are weak and what would constitute stronger ones would need to be better supported. For example, the response does not explain why reasons such as “the classroom would be quieter” and “teachers would be happier” are weaker and less valid than the unnamed “important” reasons that the candidate mentions.

The response to Task 3 earns partial credit. This response identifies a very specific instructional activity, but offers only a brief explanation of why the teacher’s introduction of a “pro-con chart to help the writer generate ideas and begin to organize the piece” is an appropriate tool to address the weakness identified in Task 2 or why it would be effective. The response offers some description of how this tool is related to improving the student’s lack of good reasons by explaining that the student would use the chart to organize positives and negatives for the writer’s position but doesn’t offer a convincing case that this tool would help improve the student’s ability to identify “specific,” “valid” or “strong” reasons.

Combined Score of 0

The word choice selected by the student is well-written. The student is convincing because of that.

It’s hard to follow the wording and to know for sure what the student is trying to say sometimes. The student talks about problems with using cell phones at school, but then the student tries to come back around and say that there should not be a ban on cell phones. Also, the student needs to be careful of some grammar problems.

One instructional strategy that I would use as the teacher is have the student use a graphic organizer. Then the student will be better able to plan what he is going to say.

Rationale for a Combined Score of 0

The response to Task 1 earns no credit. The response seems to be trying to identify “word choice” as a significant strength of the response, but the lack of any additional development or explanation makes it impossible to judge whether this is a significant or relevant strength. This complete lack of explanation and support precludes awarding even partial credit to the response.

The response to Task 2 earns no credit. Despite attempting to describe two different weaknesses, the response fails to provide any relevant explanation to support the identification of a relevant weakness. The first two sentences attempt to criticize the response’s clarity or focus, a potentially relevant weakness, but the description provided is too unclear to constitute an identification of a significant weakness. The second attempt to identify a weakness (“the student needs to be careful of some grammar problems”) is also irrelevant given the specific instruction against discussing grammar included in the task directions.

The response to Task 3 earns no credit. Although the response attempts to address the weakness it poorly identified in Task 2, the instructional strategy suggested by the candidate is general and the response offers little or no evidence to support or explain how the “graphic organizer” will address the weakness from Task 2. If the significant weakness is that the student speaks in a confusing way, how will the graphic organizer specifically address this problem?